Archive for the ‘author’ Category

Wise Friend,

Last night I had a strange dream. I was with my ex-husband (both of us looking much younger), and I was trying to rekindle our broken marriage.  I was seductive and trying to be endearing while talking. He responded to that. How? I can’t remember. Nothing extreme.

Then the dream moved towards a public space, and for some reason at that moment I understood my ex-husband was cheating me with a woman who happened to be there. In the dream, I knew she had been trying for a long while to seduce him.

I approached them, and I talked angrily to both, telling her she should be ashamed and stop immediately.

Another scene followed. I saw the same woman again, looking very religious and wearing a wig. I pulled her wig off the head, wanting to shame her in public. While dreaming, a thought crossed my mind they could sue me for this. That made me turn to him, and I told him I was leaving him and this time it was for good.

It was very intense. I woke up, and then I thought about Jungians, and post-Jungians, Gestalt, psychotherapists, and psychoanalysts. What a golden dream for them to explain all these mysteries of my probably turbulent soul, the hidden unknown of me to me.

Imagine Gestalt—me wanting to be a good wife and loving, the seductress and the one getting angry and violent, me the religious and both getting mad at myself. Funny, I believe none of this is true.

My Sweet Friend,

Years ago, I attended some Gestalt workshops as the trends demanded of us, and brought in my dreams to share at workshops. I felt so ridiculous in front of the therapist and others. I felt embarrassed when others went through their exercises; for them and for myself being there.

I couldn’t accept I was the street on which I was while dreaming, the tree at the corner, the grass in the meadow and the meadow itself, the table in the room, the six chairs upside down. After that, I read so much about dreams, and I can’t agree with anybody. I quickly, carelessly, developed a theory of mine, never shared.

We let our imagination run amok during the day, and we try to control it, while awake.

At night, while we sleep, we have little say and we are too relaxed even if in our dreams we are agitated.

Certainly, the dreams represent us. However, a lot of the details happen as we see others. I refuse to accept that every aspect is part of who we are, though they result from our mind combining our perceptions of what others did and our imagination in a sleeping state.

Wise Friend,

Indeed, we daydream. Do they Gestalt daydreaming? Why not?

My Sweet Friend,

What have you unleashed?

Wise Friend,

A new stream of income? A new frenzy of workshops?

Wise Friend,

I work in a speciality I thought, when young, I would like computers. How wrong I was. However, here I am with a beautiful family, with a sense of responsibility, earning reasonable well, without being rich as others assume about those working in IT.

Supporting myself and my family offers them and me so much dignity. Freedom, independence, self-reliance are essential for my soul.

To me, IT is soul-destroying. There’s no question that my keen interests in people and in other many subjects offer me some richness during the day (I manage people, others manage me) and especially outside of working hours. So contrary to popular beliefs, I don’t work in my dream profession, but I try to love what I do. The vast majority of IT people aren’t nerds or creative. Why do they build these myths around IT?

I acknowledge knowing how to code, understanding IT architecture and other related subjects taught me useful skills to help with the part of life I cherish – finance, being with children and mainly writing.

Not-a-Nerd Friend,

This utopian “life and executive coaching” trend of asking billions of people to work in the professions they dream is unrealistic and poisonous. Many people work in the profession for which they have skills as that’s where they started.

Many thought they would like a specific profession. Sooner or later they find out that their work is tedious, repetitive, and not even challenging, despite being an intellectual kind of endeavour. This is so true for IT.

There are so many important jobs! All of them beautiful?

Wise Friend,

After 20 years of hard work, I reached a conclusion that people in my industry are completely mad. Why do I think the same happens in many corporate professions?

When I use the word “corporate” I mean any organisation, private or government.There are many common characteristics of team interactions.

Why am I now thinking many in IT are mad people?They are revengeful, hysterical, ego-maniacal, obsessed with status and to be some kind of leaders, and unable to accept responsibility.Overall, these are signs of character weakness.

Until now I dealt with numerous wretched people though I’ve resigned to the fact that individuals can be wretched. Today, I reached the end of my patience. For years, I didn’t generalise, even when such behaviours were there in my face, close to my eyes. The fragility of these people astonished me. Today I generalised (most) not universalised (as in all), but generalised. Men and women alike.

Not-a-Nerd Friend,

I find many people nice and weak. Two of us might be strong though we can’t deny our own weaknesses. I have no doubt that during some of our interactions we came across as mad, weak, etc. And we will.

I love when people distinguish between generalisation and universal. Love it Love it.

Wise Man,

Your stories are real stories. We are made of our emotions.

Lovely Friend,

We are made of emotions and mind. The latter needs drilling to hang around.

You don’t have to apologise for making me worry. Your news saddened me and I wanted to get in touch with you.

You have to share good and bad news. If friends feel for you, you don’t withdraw to save them those feelings. Unless…

Wise Friend,

Unless what?

Lovely Friend,

Unless their own anxiety overcomes their ability to listen well and support you emotionally. If that happens is better to retreat.

Wise Friend,

How do you assess that?

Lovely Friend,

You need support at a specific time, you share, and suddenly you feel you need to address the anxiety of the other. Your problem got replaced, pushed aside. Change the subject or politely leave the conversation.

Indeed, you are tired. Nothing exhausts us more than the struggles of the soul.

When I sense that demon tormenting my soul and I tell myself  “here comes again”, and I become an observer and a bearer of the torment. I split.

Wise Friend,

I don’t like these moments. They are not as tragic as they sound though they preoccupy me.

Lovely Friend,

It’s true. Others seem to think we are on the verge of disintegrating when we want to talk again and again about what happened and how we reacted. Find the rare ones who know better.

We want to look into the issue to become clear and understand why the torment started.

If there is a chance to find a solution, I let it be. The moment I sense there is no solution, and it’s only a torment, I peruse my body and my main points of personal history to find the disturbed button and then I distract myself. I never deny, but I don’t want to waste any more time. I do force a smile even if alone.

Yes, it’s easier said than done. It takes time, and it’s doable.

 

Sensitive Friend,

Unlike before, you’ve sent me many quotes about our preent times. They were all critical or sarcastic.

I believe, in many ways, we live a world better than previous generations. In reality, we don’t know how it was for them. Maybe, they complained about their own times. I am wary about those following us.

I miss the manners and a level of deliberate and desired cordiality and the control of one’s fury and anger.

Our generation started to denounce self-control and encourage us to manifest rage and fury with more ease.

It has been like a full speed snowball effect. The generations following us turned this to maximum intensity and confuse necessary and essential honesty with sheer and, in my opinion, wilful hurt.

Daily, we witness hysterical behaviour, and resilience (the new mantra) is gone. How can anyone be happy without self-control? How?

We, our generation, bears much blame for these outcomes.

Wise Friend,

Becoming actively aware not to expect from somebody who can’t offer in some areas we need support happens as part of the painful ways of personal deceptions. Hence the expression “follies of youth.” That’s why you like repeating “This is the last thing I need!”

Sensitive Friend,

You digressed. Yes, I learned to not expect the same. I’m sure, in turn, many times, I fail to give or support others, and I don’t even notice. We might think we provide a lot. Some do more than others. Some give nothing and have no doubts about their generosity. I hope many non-givers are at least honest with themselves.

Nature gifted us with a variety of optimism we call “instinct of conservation”, which doesn’t allow us to despair. “La tristezza nasce quando la speranza muore.” Google is of no help here. “The sadness is born when the hope dies.”

Though, we have our limits when nothing can be justified this way, when terrible traumas happened. We both have been spared.

Wise Friend.

I have a highly educated friend working in garden maintenance. He asked me to join him for two weeks. I wanted to do some physical work and accepted.  We joke with quizzing customers about both us having masters, being avid readers, and somehow having become blue-collar workers.

Wow Friend,

How do you cope with the physical work?

Wise Friend,

Gosh! It is hot and hard! At the end of each day I’m tired and euphoric, intoxicated with feeling great. I love being outside, and I love hard physical work.

Wow Friend,

Shall I envy you?

Wise Friend,

Yes, please do!

We chitchat a lot. My friend mentioned that one little conversation back at home becomes an obsession for a man if he works alone and nobody distracts him. This is the risk of men doing manual work by themselves.

I attended my book club today. Mainly women. I repeated to them what he told me. You should have heard them! This is what they said:

“Women are extremely well at making an elephant out of a fly inside their heads.”

“They speak with girlfriends, and they expect full support for the ‘seriousness’ of the issue. If the friend tries to shake them up, to check their priorities, the anger would be endless.”

“She goes back home and lashes out emotionally.”

“It’s a myth that women don’t obsess.”

I was speechless. Did you know that? How clueless am I?

Wow Friend,

Somehow, yes. What’s happenning in your home?

Wise Friend,

We are human. Sometimes, we lash at the other. You don’t want to witness that. Thanks God we love each other!