Archive for the ‘communication’ Category

Wise Friend.

I have a highly educated friend working in garden maintenance. He asked me to join him for two weeks. I wanted to do some physical work and accepted.  We joke with quizzing customers about both us having masters, being avid readers, and somehow having become blue-collar workers.

Wow Friend,

How do you cope with the physical work?

Wise Friend,

Gosh! It is hot and hard! At the end of each day I’m tired and euphoric, intoxicated with feeling great. I love being outside, and I love hard physical work.

Wow Friend,

Shall I envy you?

Wise Friend,

Yes, please do!

We chitchat a lot. My friend mentioned that one little conversation back at home becomes an obsession for a man if he works alone and nobody distracts him. This is the risk of men doing manual work by themselves.

I attended my book club today. Mainly women. I repeated to them what he told me. You should have heard them! This is what they said:

“Women are extremely well at making an elephant out of a fly inside their heads.”

“They speak with girlfriends, and they expect full support for the ‘seriousness’ of the issue. If the friend tries to shake them up, to check their priorities, the anger would be endless.”

“She goes back home and lashes out emotionally.”

“It’s a myth that women don’t obsess.”

I was speechless. Did you know that? How clueless am I?

Wow Friend,

Somehow, yes. What’s happenning in your home?

Wise Friend,

We are human. Sometimes, we lash at the other. You don’t want to witness that. Thanks God we love each other!

Sweet Friend,

You wrote you dated a few times and how frustrating it is to feel scrutinised.

Wise Friend,

The men I meet think I’m the one under scrutiny. They don’t know they are under my scrutiny. I didn’t come so far away from home, to stop scrutinising.

Sweet Friend,

I was thinking about the word you used. I know what you mean, though I hope you enjoyed the dates to some extent.

Wise Friend.

What should one do? Take a risk? How else? Be cautious? How else? Go with the flow? How else? Be gullible? How else? Be trustful? How else?

Sweet Friend,

You went there, faraway, to find a husband. Do they want to become husbands more then they want here? How far do you need to go before you can approach the subject even if only as a light, rushed joke?

Wise Friend,

It’s become a “shame on you” to want to know this too soon. A wish that needs to be in secret. A desire to be denied, minimised, and about which to joke. Once upon a time, becoming a husband was a sign of pride in oneself. Not anymore.

Sweet Friend,

What? Do you ask him on the first date?

Wise Friend,

When I feel like “Heck with it?”

Sweet Friend,

How did they react? I would love to be at the next table. Did you see any of them again? Risky filtering I might say. Is it funny?

Wise Friend,

Haha! Ah, it brings me a sense of relief.

Sweet Friend,

My mind is blank. I have no answers for you. Still, I can’t hold back to tell you to enjoy meeting people. Find out about their life and likes. Delight in their little surprises. The rules changed many decades ago. Somehow, still, they need to be relearned again and again.

Shush! Don’t bring it up too soon! You might filter the good ones. Also, sometimes “Heck with it!” Seek their happy side. If he’s moody, say “good-bye!”

Sensitive Friend,

I used to speak six languages: none of them perfect, ever. Three have disappeared, not wholly, almost gone. I can order a sandwich and maybe listen to get what you mean – to some point. Therefore, I love when people correct me in either of my top three languages: humor, gentleness help.

Sometimes I use words, confident that I’m clear. Later I see, from the reaction of the other, that I used an improper word. I mean inappropriate: it’s either a bit too sexy in that part of the world or hurting feelings in another. In my mind, the word or expression is clear, soft and caring.

So I ask you to help me, and your response is to stay with the initial wording, as you understand what I meant and also you enjoy the mishap. You prefer me not to correct anything as thus I would deviate into being too correct with the words I use. How am I going to win the battle of languages and of a brain that insists on grasping a language at a maximum of 83.66%-95.21%?

So here it is: I used “the importance given to this subject is not suitable to…”. I’m asking you: Shall I use “undeserved importance”?

Wise Friend,

No, because when you use the new word, it brings in a falsity, which denigrates and makes the core of your idea unnatural. Then, I get confused, and I lose what you’re referring to, and then I wonder why you mention whatever new thing might show up.

Maybe you thought about the word “forbidden,” but this is debatable as well.