Archive for April, 2014

Boredom instead self-explaining

Posted: April 5, 2014 in Musings

I want to go back to the ability to touch emotions in a more nuanced way, and therefore more precisely, instead of hearing the same word/expression for everything such as:

• “hate” for some minor discomfort, frustration, impatience, a sense of anger, distaste or lack of respect.

• Alternatively, “hot,” when I might feel some pleasure, or some likeness of something, or just sheer lightness of being.

I’m done with the “f..k” word used as a permanent grunt to express anything from a bit of anger to fury.

When anybody used such a limited language, I ended up defending myself trying to explain in detail what I felt. It was a sense of defence both internal and verbally in trying first to deny and then to explain.

It was tiring. Lately, I’ve moved beyond that instinctual reaction of feeling and talking defensive.

Now I move the nuance of my emotion directly for whatever specific event or person.

We went for a long drive in her Lexus. She wanted to share stories about her recent trip to an impoverished country. While driving, she decried the consumerist society, the evil of materialism within our society. While talking about that poor faraway community, she pined because of their poverty, and then she got intoxicated with her admiration for the capacity of those people to enjoy simple things in life. The barefoot children used to jump innocently, dance and run in the dust of their unpaved roads. Then she was back to pining because of their poverty, and again fro to romanticising the sheer pure happiness of those poor people.

“Why did you go there?”
“To help them, they are so poor.”
“Do they want your help?”
“Yes, they want to better the lives of their children.”
“Are they unhappy?”
“They’re so poor and so worried. Certainly, they’re unhappy for their own children.”

Better just to listen.
She wanted life to be more straightforward. It’s just too complicated like this with these wide roads and too many cars, air conditioners, we’re too spoiled and don’t know how to enjoy simplicity.
The sky was so generous in its beauty. The large houses reflected the sun, the harbour was glitzy with glimpses between rich green trees, and the Lexus was so comfortable.