‘While happy, but unsettled…’ 

Posted: September 26, 2018 in Musings

Wise Friend,

Yesterday, I sent a short email to a group of friends. When I posted it, I was feeling happy and full of energy. I started with ‘While happy, but unsettled…’
I was playful, trying in just a few words to explain my current convoluted situation.

I know which friends of mine would have had a problem to experience cheerfully the same, somehow tumultuous, events.

Some people answered my email, others called.
Some read the word ‘happy’ and sensed the playfulness. They acknowledged with energy and love. For them, it was contagious, and I felt it in their answer.

Some didn’t notice the word ‘happy’, and they noticed the word ‘unsettled’.
Among the latter, one friend called me frazzled, some consoled me, or even called my writing neurotic. One expressed so much sadness and felt so depressed for me, that I had to ask her: “Why are you so sad, as I feel happy—what’s the big deal? I don’t experience a tragedy. I’m blessed to be able to move, to see the world and try. ”

Happy friend,

I sensed the lightness of the email.

Wise friend,

For a while, I’ve noticed the way people react to my emails, and I’ve identified an interesting pattern. The ‘sad’ people would never acknowledge the word ‘happy’, nor the happy feelings–not only this time. This time it was so evident as the note was concise.

One friend called me and told me I am in denial and I must be in a horrible emotional state.
“I’m not—as it happens, I’m in an excellent mood.”
“No, you are not.”
“How on the Earth, would you know where I’m now, better than I know?”
“I know, I have been there. Unless you are in therapy, you can’t feel well in your current situation.”

I didn’t try persuading her. I didn’t think I had to. However, I considered this as incredible chutzpah. Somehow, she was conveying I was forbidden to feel light.

Lovely friend,

Hey! We share experiences which help us become empathetic, but we don’t share the same identical experiences, and we react differently to the same message.

Well, maybe this is related to the concept of normality. Does normal mean according to the norm or, according to what the most people feel? Is this a law of average? Is normal also sane? Do we want to be average, and thus normal in our reactions? Is this somehow similar to the question–do we want to be “averagely” intelligent? Not a very lovely thought, is it?

I can visualise an audience where I ask people:
“Please stand up. If you want to be normal, please sit down.”

Wise friend,

Still looking, still searching, still hoping, but Hey! For the time being, I’m basking in the lightness of the soul.

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