Posts Tagged ‘memories’

Years ago, just when the internet burst into our lives with the ability to communicate via emails, I went to live in another country for a few years. I felt a sense of loyalty and want to keep in touch with friends back. By then, life taught me that given my personal history, I had to be the person responsible for keeping in contact with no demands from others to respond. For a while, I wrote weekly emails full of typos and grammar errors. Moreover, they were full of so many details that some friends loved them, while others strongly disliked them, and felt entirely bored reading them. I tried to find a balance. I kept those emails saved in Word documents. Why? Why did I keep all those emails? I can’t remember.

Four years later, I fell in love, three times with the wrong men. Those loves stopped me from sending emails. I didn’t want to share my love stories out of shyness, a desperate need for privacy, and fear from an evil eye. Evil eye? Yep, I hoped that the relationships might become durable and reliable, and I feared that if I shared any details, that sharing might jinx the relationships.

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During the last few weeks, I’ve decided to get rid of all these emails I had sent and received during my stay overseas. I read each one of them and selected only expressions or descriptions I liked and then deleted the emails. I’ve started writing short blogs around the saved material and post them though I don’t try to market the blog. Another “Why?”

I’m faced with a few surprises while going thought these emails:

I don’t remember all the events.

I don’t remember a few people with whom I exchanged emails. They were fleeting appearances during my stay.

While reading, I noticed with amusement, that some people, back in Sydney, never changed. Those who were happy at that time, were happy when we met again upon my return to Sydney. Some wrote as if they have always been victims, despite becoming successful. They are wonderful individuals though they view themselves in that light of being a victim. Others changed and now, are now happy minds, leaving behind the worrisome selves.

Some emails interactions come back to mind, and my answers are now as if mirrors into which I have to look. I am reading and I can’t believe my answers, quite a few being much too long and hence careless as a reaction to their issues and questions. I will not lose sleep or bash myself up, but Boy!

What I wrote above is the answer to “Why did I keep those emails?” To now face myself to find out what I remember and not, how I connected, sometimes appropriately and sometimes sooo wrongly, delighted with myself at the time.

Shall we keep diaries and all our communications?

I think so. Though, I hope that nobody finds them after we are gone.

Wise friend,

Years ago you wrote about Annie Dillard’s book “An American Childhood”.

Lovely friend,

I looked back at my notes about the novel. Many times, when I read books about children, I wonder, “How come their young life was so rich?”
Fair enough, it’s a style that makes such books attractive to adults. It is the adult who remembers things and adds to the child‘s thoughts and feelings, who understands one’s childhood from the adult point of view. The author would relate the story using the words and language of a youngster.
These touches lead to sweet memories, cause the child look as if much more mature, more intelligent, and well in touch with own emotions already at a very young age.
Probably, I project quite a lot when I read. So, I recognise myself in that child. When I‘m looking from the eyes of an adult to my childhood life, I now perceive the richness of those feelings and thoughts. I didn’t have that experience, neither her commitment to her own childhood projects, nor the parents of Annie Dillard, but I see about what she talked, and I enjoyed the reading.
I plan to re-read the book.

Wise friend,

Talented fiction writers exaggerate real people when creating characters. Otherwise, readers get bored.

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Do interesting fiction characters, even if evil and immoral, or good and moral need to be active, fighters, moving from doing to doing?