Standing up for yourself! Not an easy matter. Yes, it matters!

Posted: May 9, 2013 in Fiction, Musings

Wise friend,

I want to ask you about people who hurt (with their speaking manner) and insult me. Sometimes I can’t take it any longer, and I decide to tell such a person to stop doing that. On the spot, I become the bad person. Me standing up hurts their feelings. Who do they think that they are?

“Ok, let me understand. You act carelessly. It hurts me; it affects me. You continue, you mock me, and you put me down. I carefully try to give some hints and give you examples of what hurts me in other people’s words and actions. You empathise. You continue bothering me, mocking me, using me.

When hints and anecdotes didn’t help, at some stage I decide to be clear. I’m not willing to be part of this interaction any longer under these conditions. I carefully think about how to say it, when to say it, how to be clear and short, how to react to some questions. I choose my day, the environment.

I meet you, and I tell you: “When you do or tell me that I’m ‘bad at that and bad at the other,’ I feel uncomfortable.” I explain in more details.

You react, you get angry, or hurt, or dismissing. Now, I’m the bad one.”

Miss you!

My honest friend,

Yes, there is a pattern with people willingly insulting or hurting the other. Standing up to that behaviour is suddenly in bad taste. It takes practice. Choose your battles until you become natural at it: remaining cool inside, smiling, clear message, clear deep voice.

Yes, it matters! Who and what matters?

***

On the second day of her life, the newborn baby girl had these deep thinking eyes. I fell in love. Now she is toddling around.

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