Wise friend,
Guilt is Catholic. No! It’s Jewish. No! It’s Irish. Hey, Irish are Catholic.
Shall I do Guilt?
Miss You!
Yes
Yes, when it’s your reaction to you stepping out of your moral construct, or of your moral community whatever it might be at the time: family, friends, or others.
Yes, when you did something wrong made a mistake, hurting the other, you might need to feel guilty and reassess how to do it next time. Sometimes your worse of you took over, and you were malicious in a form or another.
Yes, it might be soul-wrenching. You might need to explain what happened – it’s difficult. You need apologize, and be clear what you apologize for – it’s difficult, and sometimes it’s humiliating. Never say just: “Sorry to have offended you.” Be specific for what you apologise. Both show integrity and courage.
No
No, when another person wants you to react in a specific way and uses guilt to manipulate you – thus you to have you explain yourself and prove that whatever they assumed was wrong.
No, even when you make a mistake and it’s becoming much too consuming when all that is needed is to apologise (be specific) and redress the situation.
No, when you hurt the other because you had to stop a specific behaviour or interaction that actually is not acceptable and rightly so for you. For example, you’re in a relationship (let’s not think about marriage for a moment) that brings no joy, it might be boring, unpleasant, where you are not you for whatever reason. You decide to end that relationship. The other gets hurt. Well, that’s life. Sometimes you can do it gingerly, over time, sometimes you need to stop that on the spot. That’s life.
It’s complicated to feel comfortable afterward, knowingly that you created pain. It requires of you to self-control, self-reassurance that the decision was correct.
Yes, it matters! Who and what matters?
***
When the little toddler wobbled for the first time from her father to her mother, she laughed. She then looked up and not knowing yet how to talk, made the same sounds of “Did you see that?” Her mother understood.
eachword-eachday 