Children arrive – I can’t explain what happens to you

Posted: September 7, 2018 in Musings

Wise friend,

My first baby will arrive soon. Please tell me what I will feel. How will my life change?

Young friend,

Nobody, not your mother or friends, nobody can tell you what the arrival of a child will change in you. Why is that? Simply put, because it’s impossible to put those feelings in words. I could tell you that I never felt a love so pure as I sensed for my son, that …

You might hear what I said, you’ll fall in love, and you’ll tell me that I didn’t describe it precisely or well enough.
The arrival of the children in our lives, takes us by surprise, despite having a few siblings. Maybe, it’s different when there is a large number of years between siblings. I should ask those in such a situation. I will.
When children are small, we might sometimes think that our lives have become so uninteresting. We tell ourselves and others that we have to put a stop to our lives and be around and for the children, only. Thoughts float around the fact that we don’t have time for ourselves and they frighten us. It requires patience and dedication.

Slowly-slowly, that heaviness lifts up. I tried to have my few moments of mine – a bit of good reading, walking, a small class here and there, and no other commitments. If culture and discussing philosophy were essential – they were – I gathered like-minded friends around me. Small life successes for short intervals.

With that, watching children change from day to day along all those years is incredibly satisfying. We need to have an interest in them, sometimes like an inquisitive researcher.

It is never a waste of time – we bring up children, we create young adults. It doesn’t mean that our souls, minds, hearts don’t need adult physical and emotional intimacy as well. Some of us might have to wait; some not.

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