I think that I’m kind – It seems that I might be wrong many times

Posted: September 8, 2018 in Musings

Wise Friend,

I need to share some thoughts that lately have been disturbing me. Would you allow me a rant?

Sensitive friend,

Go for it. I DO want to keep getting ALL your rants. They weave a wondrous tapestry of your life – I get a feeling for you there.

Wise friend,

I wanted to be part of my community. Until now whatever I did, took me away, sapped of time, energy and curiosity.

So when I saw this position in the community, I told myself that I can do it, that I can do it very well. I’ve applied. I knew that it would be very political. I also know by now that I handle conflicts well until I don’t. I don’t even sense when suddenly I don’t. Within my mind, I’m sure that my honesty and clarity helps the other. Surprise, surprise, I don’t notice the boundary, and I step on it and over it. I see that in their facial expressions, in their tone, or even animosity – not just a pure hostility, but a revengeful one. Each time, I’m startled – “It happened again.”, I tell myself astonished and concerned.

I’ve asked a close friend, who works with adults and children who have autism, whether I’m autistic. She wondered why I even thought about it.

“I seem to lack social skills, and I hurt people while I have no intention, I’m too honest when I should be careful. I’m careful, though it seems that I cross a boundary without alarm bells,” I tell her sincerely.
“I promise you that you do not have autism, that I love your social skill, and I adore your honesty. I’m hungry for such people,” she reacts warmly and laughingly.

Sensitive friend,

What happened with the position that for which you applied? You’d have been excellent at it.

Wise friend,

They didn’t even shortlist me for it. Pity.

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