Posts Tagged ‘philosophy’

Our Common Sense and the Boundaries of Others

Posted: November 13, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

I met your friends. The evening went well, for a while. It was light and funny. Then something went wrong. I do not understand what. It bothers me.

Sensitive Friend,

It’s not relevant. Sometimes, I express an opinion I take it as to be common sense, maybe a light comment within a conversation.
Suddenly, I notice in the facial expression of the other, that I stepped over a boundary. To me, that boundary doesn’t matter, so no wonder I didn’t know about it, and it’s not even significant for me to cross.
Yes, I could explain myself, wanting to dissipate the negativity I feel, but I don’t see a need; it would provide an allure of undeserved importance to the subject.
Had I continued, both parties would become uncomfortable. That‘s in my mind. For the other person, this might be significant.
However, I forget to think that way.
The subject doesn’t “deserve” so much respect. The time spent on explaining is irrelevant.
Don’t worry.

Wise Friend,

It is INCREDIBLE, how you describe precisely a nuance I felt as well, though I could not formulate it. As if a door opened and now I see with clarity what was behind it when I had only a hint and was blurry (I‘m tempted to use the word “revelation“).
Bravo to you, with thanks and pride for you.
If you agree, though it’s not fair to insert my words into your thoughts, I would suggest a slight modification one of your phrases.

Would you use “it would provide an allure of out-of-place importance” instead of “it would provide an allure of undeserved importance”? This would leave more space for additional flexibility of the interpretation.

Sensitive Friend,

I like when people correct me in any language.
I don’t understand why “out of place” doesn’t convey what I wanted to say, for me. Would “non-deserving” be more adequate?
If you remember, I wrote the subject seemed natural, light and unimportant for myself.

Wise Friend,

You wrote, “I welcome being corrected in any language. I don’t understand why ‘out of place’ doesn’t convey what I wanted to say.”
If you don’t know (rational), there is nothing left but to feel (intuitive). How about that?
Reflection goes: and I who told you that maybe you are “too” rational.
“Would ‘doesn’t deserve’ be more adequate?”
I don’t think so, because “undeserved importance” includes a shade of imposture, which denigrates and distorts the core.
In the end, what do you mean by undeserved importance, and why? Maybe you thought about “forbidden”, though even this is debatable: who thinks is God to judge such things?
The link between liberty and necessity might become a new subject to debate.
But no, don’t fear, I propose to not tire ourselves for the time being with such speculation, as life is beautiful as it is.
Would you mind using the term “inadequate”?

Wait! I think the penny dropped related to the term you used of “undeserved importance”. I think you wanted to say “importance that doesn’t deserve the exertion”. Something like “waste of time”.
If this is what you meant, my theory (discussing in details about toothpicks) fails, as it would imply something else: undeserved being unjustly obtained.
However, you see, this is a compromised solution, as I disagree with this meaning as well (it doesn’t deserve the exertion) – what do you think about my impertinence?

Silent Calls

Posted: November 11, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

Your call last evening was short and silent.

Sensitive Friend,

Many times, it happened that all I needed was to dial the number of a close friend, say “hello” and then I couldn’t discuss what preoccupied me as if putting all that in words would make my issue sound so superficial. Each time, this confused the friend I called, who ended up with the feeling of not having helped. However, this minimal contact of a few seconds was essential to me. It has been selfish of me to initiate such a call, and I learnt to control and abstain.

Wise Friend,

Please don’t tell me merçi so many times because there is no reason. I’m not offering a service, a present or just amiability.

It throws the dialogues out of balance, and it makes me feel inadequate.

I have only one upper hand over you, and it is not my merit: I express with more clarity in this language, which you had no opportunities to use for a few decades. It’s crucial for me to use the exact word which would reflect the most adequate nuance of what I want to say.

I can do that only in this language. I dislike words of complacency or used to fill the space or to show off.

In turn, you benefit from the advantage of intuition, realism, and of your talent to convey states of mind indirectly, and thoughts one can hardly notice between the lines, sometimes not even linked to the content word by word (mot-a-mot).

Yet again, you would tell me I “project”. And I’ll answer it might be so.  There is nothing we can do, such we are, each one with own psyche formed thought own life. Sometimes I feel such a waste. I guess now I overstepped what I mentioned above.

Sensitive Friend,

It’s tempting to say you’re projecting. In this instance, I’m not.

Wise Friend,

For the time being, I don’t know what to reply to what you wrote. It’s not the first time you turn my words around, which disorients me.

This dialogue had no content though it is pregnant with meaning. Do I project, yet again?

I believe I’ve reached a dead moment. What do you say? Shall I stop writing?

Sensitive Friend,

How come? If you think we need to communicate about something specific, write. We had long spells of silence before. That my mind stops from time to time means nothing.

“Fifty Shades of Grey”- Why Was It So Successful?

Posted: September 19, 2018 in Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise friend,

Why was “Fifty Shades of Grey” so successful?

Friend,

I don’t know. I heard it is poorly written. Some women told me they were fascinated only by the sex scenes, calling it ‘soft porn.’

I didn’t even open the books though I had them for a short while. I watched the first movie out of curiosity. While I could accept to waste ninety minutes of my life to satisfy some of my curiosity, reading the book would have taken me weeks to read it.

The man (in the book) demands specific intricate details of how their sexual encounters should develop.

I read a few Facebook commentaries from people I respect. I assume that the book is about that emotionally dangerous dream for which many women fall prey: the power of a woman’s love to change a man.

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Surprise surprise, the movie ends with the man falling in love with her; eventually, he seems to change his approach to their relationship: love will shape the relationship, not tricky, masochistic and sadistic sexual encounters. I’m rolling my eyes.

Yes, we all know about situations where the intense love for a woman changes a bad man into a good man. This, however, is not because thus the woman wants. That would happen if his love for her, opens his mind, matures him, and heals most of his wounds.

Women err when they confuse their desire to change a man under the “spell” of making him love her, with accepting a relationship with the man and defining clear boundaries. It amazes me that the same woman errs with such ideals more than once.

Wise friend,

I can’t talk about the sex scenes in the book. For that, I have to read the book. Forget about that!

We all know that during intimacy men and women perform acts about which they would not talk with others.

Wise friend,

Like what? Whipping!

Friend,

Not so far, necessarily.

Through my life, I heard from women and men intimate moments within their relationships. I won‘t mention those details in writing. These mere acquaintances ended up trusting me more than I was interested. Each time I ended like a deer in the headlights, listening and wondering, why they shared such moments with me. My face wouldn’t betray my surprise.

Wise friend,

Gosh, I might have lived in a different world.

Friend,

Many of us do. When one least expects, love and playfulness allow or push people when in love with some partners only, to do these little sexual things that don’t define them, otherwise. Those silly moments when we decide, “So what! It’s just nothing, and it makes him happy! I’ll never share with anybody what I’ve just done, with this guy.”

I guess, that “Fifty Shades…” describes some of such moments. Readers would be happy, even may be relieved, and therefore happy reading them. They would love that.

***

Well, is it pretentious of me to assume so much without reading the books?

Rituals – are they relevant?

Posted: September 17, 2018 in Musings
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Wise friend,

Every day something odd or bad seems to happen.

Sensitive friend,

Since forever, people, couples had a lot of problems.

Wise friend,

Yes, but they seem to have had many rituals which give them comfort.

Sensitive friend,

How many times, people have been lost in rituals without meaning? With ethics what you feel is irrelevant. With ritual what you feel is relevant. Ethics are an end in itself. Rituals are means.

Well, how do you guard ethical instructions? Most of the time, we need a few layers of safeguarding; each layer shielding another layer. Thousands of years ago, it was easy for communities to believe that holiness guarded ethics. They assumed that holiness and goodness are fragile. Every layer protects another layer.

Alas, beliefs always change.

Nowadays, people turn to the broken windows theory of James Q. Wilson. Others call it a fallacy and not a theory.
However, let’s accept the argument for a few minutes. If a community allows smashed windows to stay unrepaired, then it will enable crimes to continue. Profanity is a broken window as well, and once used, it gets worse. There’s nothing unethical about using profanity.