Archive for the ‘Musing’ Category

History of Thoughts, Worldviews, and of Religions in the Making?

Posted: November 13, 2018 in epistolary, Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

How is the world of art doing?

Sensitive Friend,

Years ago, I went to an art exhibition from Akhenaten times – “Pharaoh of Gods”..

Pharaoh Akhenaten (Nefertiti was his wife, Tutankhamen, his son) created a new religion, to move away from worshipping animals towards monotheism.

He changed his people’s religion to sun worship, seen at the time as an intangible object, abstract–as one God. He didn’t acknowledge Osiris, the deity of death.

The Egyptian art of that time focused on the centrality of the family in their society,  renouncing the god(s) of death.

After Akhenaten’s death, people reneged this religion, perceiving it as too abstract and a faith which gave up on so many of the celebrations available before.

On display, I saw a pair of cartouches used as objects of worship with inscriptions reflecting Pharaoh’s thoughts, if I’m correct. They looked so similar to the Jewish 10 Commandment plates.

Wise Friend,

Trivia we might forget?

Sensitive Friend

History of thoughts, worldviews, of religions in the making?

One abstract god, moving away from worshipping animals and the god of death, celebrating the love of the family, using inscriptions on a pair of cartouches as pieces of worship.

Our Common Sense and the Boundaries of Others

Posted: November 13, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

I met your friends. The evening went well, for a while. It was light and funny. Then something went wrong. I do not understand what. It bothers me.

Sensitive Friend,

It’s not relevant. Sometimes, I express an opinion I take it as to be common sense, maybe a light comment within a conversation.
Suddenly, I notice in the facial expression of the other, that I stepped over a boundary. To me, that boundary doesn’t matter, so no wonder I didn’t know about it, and it’s not even significant for me to cross.
Yes, I could explain myself, wanting to dissipate the negativity I feel, but I don’t see a need; it would provide an allure of undeserved importance to the subject.
Had I continued, both parties would become uncomfortable. That‘s in my mind. For the other person, this might be significant.
However, I forget to think that way.
The subject doesn’t “deserve” so much respect. The time spent on explaining is irrelevant.
Don’t worry.

Wise Friend,

It is INCREDIBLE, how you describe precisely a nuance I felt as well, though I could not formulate it. As if a door opened and now I see with clarity what was behind it when I had only a hint and was blurry (I‘m tempted to use the word “revelation“).
Bravo to you, with thanks and pride for you.
If you agree, though it’s not fair to insert my words into your thoughts, I would suggest a slight modification one of your phrases.

Would you use “it would provide an allure of out-of-place importance” instead of “it would provide an allure of undeserved importance”? This would leave more space for additional flexibility of the interpretation.

Sensitive Friend,

I like when people correct me in any language.
I don’t understand why “out of place” doesn’t convey what I wanted to say, for me. Would “non-deserving” be more adequate?
If you remember, I wrote the subject seemed natural, light and unimportant for myself.

Wise Friend,

You wrote, “I welcome being corrected in any language. I don’t understand why ‘out of place’ doesn’t convey what I wanted to say.”
If you don’t know (rational), there is nothing left but to feel (intuitive). How about that?
Reflection goes: and I who told you that maybe you are “too” rational.
“Would ‘doesn’t deserve’ be more adequate?”
I don’t think so, because “undeserved importance” includes a shade of imposture, which denigrates and distorts the core.
In the end, what do you mean by undeserved importance, and why? Maybe you thought about “forbidden”, though even this is debatable: who thinks is God to judge such things?
The link between liberty and necessity might become a new subject to debate.
But no, don’t fear, I propose to not tire ourselves for the time being with such speculation, as life is beautiful as it is.
Would you mind using the term “inadequate”?

Wait! I think the penny dropped related to the term you used of “undeserved importance”. I think you wanted to say “importance that doesn’t deserve the exertion”. Something like “waste of time”.
If this is what you meant, my theory (discussing in details about toothpicks) fails, as it would imply something else: undeserved being unjustly obtained.
However, you see, this is a compromised solution, as I disagree with this meaning as well (it doesn’t deserve the exertion) – what do you think about my impertinence?

Silent Calls

Posted: November 11, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

Your call last evening was short and silent.

Sensitive Friend,

Many times, it happened that all I needed was to dial the number of a close friend, say “hello” and then I couldn’t discuss what preoccupied me as if putting all that in words would make my issue sound so superficial. Each time, this confused the friend I called, who ended up with the feeling of not having helped. However, this minimal contact of a few seconds was essential to me. It has been selfish of me to initiate such a call, and I learnt to control and abstain.

Wise Friend,

Please don’t tell me merçi so many times because there is no reason. I’m not offering a service, a present or just amiability.

It throws the dialogues out of balance, and it makes me feel inadequate.

I have only one upper hand over you, and it is not my merit: I express with more clarity in this language, which you had no opportunities to use for a few decades. It’s crucial for me to use the exact word which would reflect the most adequate nuance of what I want to say.

I can do that only in this language. I dislike words of complacency or used to fill the space or to show off.

In turn, you benefit from the advantage of intuition, realism, and of your talent to convey states of mind indirectly, and thoughts one can hardly notice between the lines, sometimes not even linked to the content word by word (mot-a-mot).

Yet again, you would tell me I “project”. And I’ll answer it might be so.  There is nothing we can do, such we are, each one with own psyche formed thought own life. Sometimes I feel such a waste. I guess now I overstepped what I mentioned above.

Sensitive Friend,

It’s tempting to say you’re projecting. In this instance, I’m not.

Wise Friend,

For the time being, I don’t know what to reply to what you wrote. It’s not the first time you turn my words around, which disorients me.

This dialogue had no content though it is pregnant with meaning. Do I project, yet again?

I believe I’ve reached a dead moment. What do you say? Shall I stop writing?

Sensitive Friend,

How come? If you think we need to communicate about something specific, write. We had long spells of silence before. That my mind stops from time to time means nothing.

Reluctance or Comfort

Posted: November 10, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Sensitive Friend,

I thought of you and your comments about what I have been writing.

During the last week, I had strange experiences, and I wrote about them to two female friends back home. With them, I feel free to go into details both intimate and embarrassing. It would be difficult for me to write such information to a male friend.

While writing to them, I communicated with you in my mind “You see I write about such things as well.”

I feel some apprehension writing about such events as there is a big gap between a spicy conversation over phone or one-to-one, where the tone and gestures matter a lot and when I could be responsive immediately to the level of acceptance of the person listening.

When writing, all those nuances get lost.

I need to trust the reader fully, to write such details, and I also assume the friend hears and sees me while reading.

Wise Friend,

It didn’t cross my mind, I didn’t imagine, I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all…would you confide in me with the details you mentioned. I’m not that man.

I understand well the limits and the feelings around the written word and consider how the off-line time and distance impose upon each one’s receptiveness; we are right to remind each other that from time to time. Add to that the worry, sometimes close to the limits of asthenia, to not overtax, to keep a measure and to be “comme il faut”.

It is as you say: “reality is the reality (sic!)”, “here and now,” and similar.

I keep the ending.

Conversations, Emails, Words, Misunderstandings

Posted: November 9, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

I came back, and I’m dying to tell you about the history of that magnificent place. How are you?

Sensitive Friend,

This is it! Here is where reality becomes a reality! I love hearing about history and the next moment I forget everything. I read with thirst what you wrote. Unfortunately, they are so many details too much for me to remember, and probably they are just a drop for you. And then I’m thirsty for more.

How am I? Good, thank you, merçi beaucoup.

I think I am now in a time of my life when I “live in the here and now” (as odd people seem to say). I notice all my reactions and enjoy them as if I am aware of myself minute by minute. It won’t last, and for now, I don’t let it go. Overall, I’m in a serene disposition somehow towards or close to happiness. Is it possible I have a better perspective? Can one be happy without perspective?

I’m even more aware of my state when I visit others, and as I enter the living rooms, I notice people with sad or depressed expressions, many times for little obstacles in their lives.

I see with ease people’s attitudes, and I wonder if they are a matter of habit, due to something real, or just wanting for attention.

Indeed, I have no access to intimate discussion of the hostess, as these people demand immediate attention from her. Therefore, I have few chances to know others and the other to known me in a more personal way.

With one specific person, I would have liked to build a closer friendship. She is delightful, has a strong sense of humour, and seems exceptionally generous. At the same time, the bond will always be limited, much of it because she is very religious and the wild parts of my personality would lead to her distancing from me.

Stupidities. Stupidities. Stupidities.

Wise Friend,

I enjoyed genuinely what you wrote.

Do you remember when sometimes I mentioned narcissism (in its positive meaning) and you answered “hmm!”?
You seem to master well the relation between control and ingenuity.

Life developed in you an adequate “technique” based on self-observation and inner dialogues, leading to the tonic and definite conclusion of thankfulness to oneself, which in fact is the ultimate goal.

It’s one way to adapt optimally to the conditions of your life. Otherwise, you could not be “ in a serene and happy disposition”.

I also tend to observe myself (we are human!), but depending on the situation I’m pleased with myself, other times I’m ashamed.

It displeases me that so many times I have to lie to myself and I can’t be honest totally. At times, I am (honest), at other times not (I’m not an idiot!) Hence, these sensations of  “dissatisfaction and waste.”

I fear in those moments.

Hey, yet again I rambled.

By the way, I disagree with how you ended your letter: “Stupidities. Stupidities. Stupidities.”

Not at all. Not at all. Not at all.

With kind and serene thoughts.

Decades Later

Posted: November 8, 2018 in Fiction, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Wise Friend,

I loved at long distance. That animal chemistry about which we all talk? It doesn’t work across oceans. We, humans, create our own chemistry when we fall in love with attention, words, warmth and conversations. Then we rationalise.

I recently read what he and I wrote to each other so many years ago. Going through those emails, I wondered how I allowed myself to fall in love so deeply, and I feel ashamed. It was a forbidden love.
Later, I went through other emails, and after all these decades I’m almost ready to rationalise yet again why I allowed myself to fall in love and I feel ashamed. It was a forbidden love.

Lovely Friend,

Why don’t you forgive yourself?

Wise Friend,

I’m not fretting about it. I can’t forgive myself, and I’m not beating myself up. Sometimes, I need to bring it up. I do that with you.

Networking is just a job technicality

Posted: September 18, 2018 in Musing, Musings, networking, opinion, philosophy
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Wise friend,

I hate networking, especially going to bars, with their sweet smell of stale beer.

Sensitive friend,

Hear me out: networking is just a job technicality – one has to treat it as work.
When I was at the Paris conference, I met a guy, around 55-60 years old, who manages the office of a competitor of ours. This guy was very nice, and we talked a lot. He explained how he planned his marketing material and even gave me a copy so I can draw ideas from there. He also told me that earlier in his career he lost ten years of his professional success by not networking enough with his colleagues.

For example, he couldn’t stand bars, and he could be incredibly bored with these types of socialising. He avoided them. Later, he decided that he had to join his colleagues, but couldn’t take it later than 19:00, and he left early. It took him 10 years to see that that was foolish, and he learned to accept that this type of socialising was a technicality of the job and that needed to be there and network. Since then, his career took off.

Doing your job very well is never enough. Networking creates an atmosphere of comfort. Therefore, one has to treat it as work. I could fully understand what he said as I felt, thought, and acted the same. So slowly, slowly I had to change. Many colleagues go to footy. This month I’ll give up my refusal to attend, and from time to time I’ll join and treat that as work.

Years ago, I befriended the head of a charity in our city. He is a typical secular guy, sent by a charity organization from abroad. I asked him how he coped with going to the weekly religious events of the community. He was calm about it. The community would not accept an ‘outsider’ who would not partake in some activities strictly related to the religious traditions, such as the main holidays, weddings of others, and religious events for his own family. His company sent him to succeed for this charity in our city – it was part of his job description. He treated attendance to religious events as technicalities and didn’t feel any burden as one is not to expect to enjoy every moment of one’s professional life.

I advise others. I failed at networking. You?

Fitch sells only small sizes, outrageous outrage, it’s their business. It matters

Posted: May 21, 2013 in Fiction, Musing
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Wise friend,

Did you hear and see THAT? People are angry that the Fitch CEO, dared, you understand (?), wants and dares to sell only small sizes.

I wonder if Plus Size only shops are OK. Why is it so?

I can’t wear Fitch. I would if I could.

If they want to sell size 00000, it’s their right to choose so.
Their P&L will be clear:
• Loss – bad business model
• Profit – a good business model
A niche market is a good concept in business. It matters!
This should be our biggest worry, which Fitch sells only small sizes.

Miss You!

Not Small Enough for Fitch Friend,

I can’t wear Fitch either. So what! I want to slim down to healthy me. Part of me stops me! Why? Why? HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

Miss You, too!
***
We’re waiting for the next one! It matters.

Those You Date

Posted: April 28, 2013 in book; books, communication, epistolary, Fiction, meaning, Musing, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Sweet Friend,

You wrote you dated a few times and how frustrating it is to feel scrutinised.

Wise Friend,

The men I meet think I’m the one under scrutiny. They don’t know they are under my scrutiny. I didn’t come so far away from home, to stop scrutinising.

Sweet Friend,

I was thinking about the word you used. I know what you mean, though I hope you enjoyed the dates to some extent.

Wise Friend.

What should one do? Take a risk? How else? Be cautious? How else? Go with the flow? How else? Be gullible? How else? Be trustful? How else?

Sweet Friend,

You went there, faraway, to find a husband. Do they want to become husbands more then they want here? How far do you need to go before you can approach the subject even if only as a light, rushed joke?

Wise Friend,

It’s become a “shame on you” to want to know this too soon. A wish that needs to be in secret. A desire to be denied, minimised, and about which to joke. Once upon a time, becoming a husband was a sign of pride in oneself. Not anymore.

Sweet Friend,

What? Do you ask him on the first date?

Wise Friend,

When I feel like “Heck with it?”

Sweet Friend,

How did they react? I would love to be at the next table. Did you see any of them again? Risky filtering I might say. Is it funny?

Wise Friend,

Haha! Ah, it brings me a sense of relief.

Sweet Friend,

My mind is blank. I have no answers for you. Still, I can’t hold back to tell you to enjoy meeting people. Find out about their life and likes. Delight in their little surprises. The rules changed many decades ago. Somehow, still, they need to be relearned again and again.

Shush! Don’t bring it up too soon! You might filter the good ones. Also, sometimes “Heck with it!” Seek their happy side. If he’s moody, say “good-bye!”

I Used to Speak Six Languages. None of Them Perfect, Ever?

Posted: April 28, 2013 in book; books, communication, epistolary, Fiction, meaning, Musing, Musings, opinion, philosophy, relationships
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Sensitive Friend,

I used to speak six languages: none of them perfect, ever. Three have disappeared, not wholly, almost gone. I can order a sandwich and maybe listen to get what you mean – to some point. Therefore, I love when people correct me in either of my top three languages: humor, gentleness help.

Sometimes I use words, confident that I’m clear. Later I see, from the reaction of the other, that I used an improper word. I mean inappropriate: it’s either a bit too sexy in that part of the world or hurting feelings in another. In my mind, the word or expression is clear, soft and caring.

So I ask you to help me, and your response is to stay with the initial wording, as you understand what I meant and also you enjoy the mishap. You prefer me not to correct anything as thus I would deviate into being too correct with the words I use. How am I going to win the battle of languages and of a brain that insists on grasping a language at a maximum of 83.66%-95.21%?

So here it is: I used “the importance given to this subject is not suitable to…”. I’m asking you: Shall I use “undeserved importance”?

Wise Friend,

No, because when you use the new word, it brings in a falsity, which denigrates and makes the core of your idea unnatural. Then, I get confused, and I lose what you’re referring to, and then I wonder why you mention whatever new thing might show up.

Maybe you thought about the word “forbidden,” but this is debatable as well.

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